What Am I Without You?
by ObsessedHPFanatic
Summary: Samifer. Set during Sam's stint in Hell. Sam, open your eyes. No, he didn't want to, he didn't want to see. The images flashing before his eyes were violent, torturous, painful. Everything behind his eyes was fire, burning in him, around him. Nothing will hurt you anymore, Sam. Trust me.


**Author's Note: Whoo! Second Supernatural fic up very quickly! This is actually a request fic for twitter user jullegrino. I hope you like it, love! Enjoy Samifer...fluffy angst? I tried to be fluffy, I really did. Tell me what you guys think!**

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_Sam._

All Sam could hear was a voice he knew he should hate, knew he should run from, but he couldn't move, could barely breathe.

_Sam._

The voice, that voice, was supposed to be harsh, malicious, evil, but it was soft, gentle, even kind. Why?

_Sam, open your eyes._

No, he didn't want to, he didn't want to see. The images flashing before his eyes were violent, torturous, painful. Everything behind his eyelids was fire, burning in him, around him.

_Nothing will hurt you anymore, Sam. Trust me._

The voice was quiet, nothing like the screaming Sam heard in his memories. He wanted to trust because that was all he had left. But how could he be sure?

_You have to trust, Sam. You will never be sure without trust._

The offer was so tempting. He didn't know if he could resist for much longer.

_You don't need to resist, Sam. I am going to protect you._

Sam was still for a long moment. All of his instincts told him to fight, to protect himself. But he just couldn't. He needed help, he needed protection, he needed...

_I know, Sam. And I will, but only if you open your eyes._

Slowly, cautiously, tentatively he did. Before him stood the owner of the voice he knew to hate. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

The sound surprised him. It was much louder than the voice he had heard before, but then Sam realized that Lucifer had been speaking in his mind.

"That's right."

The figure standing in front of him did not move toward him, did not move away from him, he merely stood, head inclined, looking at him.

"I'm waiting for you to give me permission, Sam."

Oh.

"Contrary to popular belief, I _am_ an angel."

"You can-you can come closer," Sam said, voice breaking. It was then he realized he was thirsty, terribly thirsty.

"Drink," Lucifer told him as he approached Sam slowly. He held out a hand holding a glass of water.

Sam was hesitant to accept the glass. He looked from Lucifer to his outstretched hand and back again. After a long moment, he reached out and grasped the glass. His hand was shaking violently and water sloshed over the rim. He grabbed it with his other hand as well, but the shaking only got worse. Lucifer placed a gentle hand over his and helped him guide the cup to his lips.

The water was cool, fresh. Sam relished the feeling of it sliding down his throat, quenching his thirst. He drank greedily, soon finishing the glass. "Do you have more?" he asked immediately.

Lucifer took it from him and the water was replenished. Sam reached for it hungrily. It was as if a beast had awakened in him. His thirst burned inside him, dry and hot.

Lucifer spoke to him then as he gulped the second glass down, spilling water down his chin as he did so. "I am sorry, Sam. Sorry for what my brother did to you, what I did to you." He paused to fill Sam's glass once again.

Sam looked up at him around the glass, hurt and confusion shining in his eyes.

"I was angry," Lucifer continued quietly. "This was not meant to happen. I knew of your plan, Sam."

Sam swallowed the last of the third glass and looked down, ashamed. He dragged a hand across his mouth, trying to wipe the spilled water from his face. For the first time, he noticed he was sitting.

Lucifer cupped his chin and lifted his face gently. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped Sam's mouth carefully.

"I'm sorry," Sam murmured, not daring to meet Lucifer's eyes. He felt guilty, so guilty, and he didn't know why.

"Sam," Lucifer said, pulling Sam's chin up a little more. "I forgive you." He pressed his lips against Sam's forehead.

Everything was overwhelming, too overwhelming. Sam was helpless, lost, confused, and when he felt the first tear rolling down his cheek, he buried his face in Lucifer's chest. Sam wrapped his arms around Lucifer and pulled him even closer. Lucifer held him as he cried. "It's my fault, it's all my fault," Sam said brokenly. "I should never-"

"Sh, Sam," Lucifer interrupted. "What happened happened. You know the consequences of meddling with time." Lucifer stroked Sam's hair tenderly as Sam choked on a few more sobs.

"Why do you care about me?" Sam said, voice muffled by Lucifer's chest. "People who care about me get hurt."

"You forget Sam, I am not a person. And you are my true vessel. What am I without you?"

Sam pulled out of the embrace just enough to be able to look up at Lucifer. He had stopped crying, but he was still confused. "If you care about my well-being so much, why did you hurt me?"

Lucifer regarded him sadly. "This has been my prison since mankind was born, Sam. I had tasted freedom and then it was snatched away from me by a mere child.

_I'm not a child,_ Sam thought indignantly.

Lucifer chuckled and stepped back. "Compared to me, compared to any angel." He looked at Sam whose arms had fallen to his sides. "The fighting when we first arrived was out of anger. You, your brother, you were there. Michael and I were thwarted and angry and dangerous." He paused and looked into Sam's eyes. "I hurt you, Sam."

Suddenly, his entire body exploded in agony. Sam screamed; he couldn't contain it. His back was flayed open, blood trickling out of gashes everywhere. His flesh had been torn apart in so many places, he was sure he was dying, or worse.

Then, as suddenly as it had started, the pain stopped. Sam whimpered, eyes clenched shut, too terrified to move.

"I _am_ sorry, Sam, believe me. Please." Lucifer stopped there. He simply stood and looked at Sam who slowly opened his eyes. He was shaking again. "Sam."

Sam pushed himself up on trembling legs and tried to run away, tried to walk away, tried to take a step away, but he crumpled to the ground immediately. He cried out as he twisted, feeling his skin split between wounds. He lay on the ground, sobbing, curled up as much as he could.

"Sam," Lucifer said gently. "Sam, let me help you."

"No!" Sam cried. "No, don't touch me!"

True to his word, Lucifer stayed where he was. "I think you're forgetting what happened next, Sam."

Sam wrapped his arms around himself as carefully as he could. He tried to inch away from Lucifer, but it was too painful.

"You're forgetting Michael."

And suddenly everything rushed back. The fire, the pain, the torture, Michael. Michael, screaming, lashing out, tearing his flesh. Michael, howling, biting, scratching. Michael, attacking and punching and kicking until Lucifer pulled him away. Lucifer, taking Michael's blows, protecting Sam, covering him with his own body.

"I wasn't angry anymore, Sam. I wanted to protect you."

Sam looked up at Lucifer and noticed that there was a long scratch on his cheek. He had been hurt protecting Sam from harm.

"Wh-what happened to Michael?" Sam stammered.

"This is my prison. I know how it is constructed and he does not. I am protecting you, keeping you away from him."

Sam could feel his resolve crumbling. He couldn't move, he needed help. "Please," he whispered.

Lucifer stepped over to him then and helped him sit up. He laid a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Come, I shall wash you and bandage your wounds."

Sam nodded quickly. "Please," he repeated.

Lucifer scooped Sam up into his arms. Sam clung to him as Lucifer began to walk toward the sound of rushing water.

"Why do I see you like this?" Sam asked as they walked. He couldn't think about the pain or it would spike.

"This is how I appear to you, Sam. This is how you know me."

"But why don't I see myself or you? Why did you choose your old vessel?"

Lucifer paused, mid-step. "This is how you know me. I did not wish to alarm you." He continued walking after Sam gave a slight nod.

"Will you show me?" Sam whispered after a few moments.

They had reached the river. Lucifer stopped and looked in Sam's eyes. "When you say yes, truly, when I know your heart and your face, you shall know mine."

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**Author's Note: I think the ending is kind of weak, and I apologize for that, but I just didn't know how to end it! Give suggestions if you have them. I would love to hear what you guys think! I promise I'm working on Purple and Good Morning to Me, give me a few more days and they should both be up!**

**Love,**

**Gency**


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